Edo the Kitty
by LiLiKun18
Summary: Edward gets kitty-fied, and suddenly everyone becomes stupid. WARNING: Contains an immense amount of stupidity  mainly Alphonse and Mustang.   A very very long oneshot.


*Beginning Notes*

This Fanfiction contains a few references to Black Butler, Death Note and Soul Eater. You might want to google some stuff if you haven't watched those yet.

Here's the overall break down for you.

Light Yagami=Crazy dude from Death Note

L=Worlds Greatest Detective from Death Note

Watari=L's Butler

Chrona=Whimpy pink haired kid from Soul Eater

Sebastian=Cat obsessed Butler from Black Butler.

Ciel=Child of Evil from Black Butler

Enjoy

* * *

Edward was having a bad day. Actually, since his failed attempt to defy the laws of nature and bring back his mother, he couldn't really remember any non bad days. Today however was not setting the record for good days.

He'd spent the entire morning with the colonel and Major Armstrong, which always put him in a bad mood. To top it off Alphonse had wandered off and Edward was now searching for him. It was also consequently raining.

"Stupid Colonel, Stupid Al, Stupid Rain..." Ed pouted. "AL! Where are you?" He shouted.

As he called out, he wandered into an alley. "Wow it's dark in here..." Ed noticed, temporarily forgetting his angst. (Note: To all children, wandering into dark allies by yourself is stupid, don't be a noob.) Suddenly he heard a shuffling noise in the alley. "Hello?" he called out. "Who's there?" Suddenly there was a blinding light.

"Aghh Light! Go away you're making me blind!" Shouted Edward

"Dont mock me I'm God!" Shouted Light. "God of the new world! Apples!

I'll take a potatoe chip...AND EAT IT!"

"God what a nutcase..." Ed muttered as he continued down the alley.

Suddenly he heard something behind him. He turned to look but was suddenly hit over the head.

"Peanuts and Fraggle truffles..." Ed muttered before he collapsed. (see children?)

His attacker snickered evilly and dragged Edward away. (SEE!)

**15 minutes later...**

"Hey Botchan look what I have?"

Ciel looked over at Sebastian who had been missing for the last 16 minutes.

Sebastian held up a small yellow kitten that appeared to be sleeping.

"Sebastian what is that? What were you doing just now?"

"Nothing..."

"Sebastian I'm serious..."

"Nothing..."

Ciel gave Sebastian a very long and treacherous glare then asked, "You weren't turning innocent but troubled teenagers into cats again were you?"

"...yes..." Sebastian confessed, hanging his head in guilt.

"Sebastian we talked about this..."

" I know..."

"Just leave it on the street," Ciel instructed. "Somebody will take it in and give it a nice home to live in with a spazzy six year old girl. In the mean time, I'm hungry and I demand chocolate."

"B-But look how cute he is..." Sebastian sniffed as he held up the kitten again.

" Do you assume I care?" Ciel asked.

Sebastian gave the kitten one tearful final glance before throwing itin a random direction and sobbingly run off.

"Ohh strange boy kitten, I shall never forget you!" He cried. He then spotted a pink haired boy in a black dress nervously wandering around.

"Oh what a pretty kitty he'd make!" Sebastian smirked as he ran after the poor child.

**Meanwhile.**

Ed opened his eyes wearilly.

"Man, I feel like I just got hit over the head with a bat, turned into a kitten, tossed in a random direction, and spent the night on a street in the rain."

Ed sat silently for a moment.

"HOLY CRAP IT WAS REAL!" Ed screamed.

"Im a cat! Someone turned me into a cat! WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!"

Ed ran around screaming. Not that screaming ever really accomplishes anything in the long run, it is just the generic scenario all teenage boys will act out when they find they are cute and fluffy. (Every teenage boy's worst nightmare.)

Unfortunately for Edward he didn't realize that kittens don't scream, they mewl pathetically. And who did Edward's pathetic mewling attract?

**Three light years away.**

Alphonse was having a good day. He had discovered that he could store meat inside his body and it wouldn't go bad (don't ask how.) He had also saved a band of orphan chickens from an angry donkey and a crowd of hungry carnivoars! The only thing that was missing was the fact that his older brother wasn't here to share in Alphonse's happiness.

"Brother? Brother where art thou?" Alphonse called as he ran up and down the streets of central. Suddenly he heard a strange sound, it sounded alot like pathetic mewling.

"My Kitteh senses are tingling!" Alphonse shouted loudly as he sprinted towards the kitten, forgetting his brother completey.

**Tree secawnds layterr**

Edward huffed his little kitteh chest and tried to stay calm. "Ok, Ok... I just gotta think, there's gotta be some way to use alchemy to turn me back."

He tried to clap his paws together but it didn't really work. "I CANT CLAP THESE STUPID KITTY PAWS!" Edward screamed, ignoring the complete stupidity of the prior sentence.

His fluffy kitty ears perked up as he heard the sound of metal clanking.

"Alphonse?" Edward called out.

"There you are kitty..." Alphonse said as he ran over to Edward and began petting him.

Edward was not amused.

"ALPHONSE YOU FREAKIN MORON! IT'S YOUR BIG BROTHER YOU IDIOT"

"There there kitty it's ok..." Alphonse said warmly as he flattened Ed's tiny kitty head.

"Call me kitty again Alphonse, and I'll scratch off your stupid blood seal."

In responce Al scooped Edward up and dumped him inside the armor.

"You'll be nice and dry in there kitty..." Alphonse said lovingly.

"THAT'S IT ALPHONSE YOUR BLOOD SEAL IS TOAST!"

**One hour later...**

Even though Edward was a kitten, he was still short, so he couldn't reach the blood seal to claw it off. So he was stuck in Alphonse's armor until Alphonse decided to let him out.

He protested by raising his little kitty voice until someone finally noticed him.

"Hello Colonel Mustang..." Alphonse smiled cheerfully. "Have you seen brother, he went missing yesterday and I still haven't seen him."

"MEEEEOWWWW!" Said Kitty Edward loudly.

Roy Mustang looked up at Alphonse from his paper work. "No actually I haven't seen him around, which is too bad 'cause he has some paper work he needs to file."

"MEEEEEEEOOOOOWRRRR!"

"Alphonse are you hiding kittens in your armor again?" Roy asked suspiciously.

For a boy with no facial expressions, Alphonse had a very bad poker face.

"Uh...No...heh Heh, why would you say that?" He stuttered as he rocked back and forth on his metal heels.

"MEOOOOOOWWRRRRRRRR!"

Roy raised an eyebrow. "Is the cat suffocating? It sounds angry."

"What cat? I don't hear anything..." Alphonse smiled ignoring the now almost deafening meows.

Roy Mustang stood up and yanked the front off Alphonse's breast plate. Almost immediately a yellow ball of furry rocketed out and attached itself to Roy Mustang's leg panting heavily.

"This is the non existent cat..." Roy mused, "it's digging it's claws into my leg."

"Heh heh, what cat? I don't see anything..." Alphonse lied.

"Awww, I think it likes me..." Roy smiled.

"YOU FEELING THAT PAIN COLONEL! THIS WHOLE ORDEAL IS YOUR FAULT! FEAR MY MIGHTY BLOOD STAINED CLAWS OF DEATH!"

"That's right Mr. Kitten, you're ok..." Roy said soothingly as he stroked the kitten's head.

"SHOW ME RESPECT! I'LL CLAW OUT YOU'RE EYES!"

"Don't tell brother...He won't let me keep it" Alphonse pleaded.

Roy looked over at Al. "Can't you just stash him with those cats you hide in your legs?"

"No it's too full, and I think some of them have started eating the smaller ones..."

"YOUR HIDING KITTENS WHERE ALPHONSE!" Kitty Ed hissed.

"Alphonse, being a compulsive animal hoarder probably isn't very good for the animals involved." Roy lectured. "We may need to find a better home for this kitten."

Al hung his big metal head, his armor shook, and his strange high pitched voice began to make sobbing noises.

It was incredible how well a suit of armor could perform puppy dog eyes.

"Well...I guess we could keep it in the office for a few days..." Mustang sighed reluctantly.

"REALLY!" Alphonse cried.

"Yeah...sure..." Mustang said. "Can you get him off of me now? I'm beginning to lose feeling in my leg."

**THE NEXT DAY**

"Aww...what a cute little kitten," Fury fawned as he stared at the yellow furball who was sitting in the corner eyeing Black Hayate.

"You stay away Hayate...Come near and you'll find yourself missing a nose."

"Aww look Hayate wants to be friends..." Fury smiled.

"So kitten aside, aren't any of you worried about Edward?" Riza asked.

"Who?" Alphonse asked as he watched the kitten.

Riza was not amused. Neither was the kitten.

"Look he's been missing for three days, I think it's time we sent out a search party..." Riza said.

"In a minute..." Said Breda as the group of military personel gathered around the kitten like idiots.

Riza sighed and picked up the phone. "Yes I'd like to report a missing person, he's short...very short..."

The kitten started hissing.

"and blonde, uh...Red coat...Angry, does not appreciate being called short, No I don't know the length of his pinky finger...yes yes...I don't think so...What?...uh...The purple one I think...no no not the one that glows...Just sprinkle some crab on top...yeah...ok...Thank You."

"Everyone listen up!" Riza said as she picked up the kitten and held it behind her back so no one would be distracted.

"What is it Lieutenant?" Falman asked.

"A civilian discovered Edwards clothes in a dark deserted alley, they still don't know his location."

There was a very _very_ awkward silence as everyone let that sink in.

Innocent Alphonse was the first to respond. "I found the kitten in a dark deserted alley, aww memories."

Riza furrowed her brow. "When did you find the kitten Alphonse?"

"About two days ago..."

"Edward went missing three days ago...was it the same dark alley they found his clothes?"

"Yep!"

Riza picked the kitten up and stared at it. It was glaring at her very furiously with fiery gold eyes. It had yellow fur that was exactly like Edward's hair. There were two very obvious patches of grey fur where Ed's automail would be. A small cowlick popped up on the kittens head.

"HOLY CRAP THE KITTEN'S EDWARD!" Riza screamed.

"THE KITTEN ATE EDWARD!" Alphonse sceamed.

"EDWARD GOT EATEN!" Roy screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" The rest of the room screamed. The usually calm and cool Riza screaming had caused the entire room to go into complete hysterics...the author included.

OMIGOD FROGS HOLY HOLY HOLY RUBBERBANDS COLD STONES ICECREAM PALOOZAROCK ROCK ROCK LEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUTH ABBS DXDXDXDXDXDXDXD NFKNFKLJNAKNFK:;kB!

Ten minutes later ( written by the back up author)

"Everyone SHUT UP!" Riza screamed.

The room went awkwardly quiet.

Riza gave all of them a hard stare, "I don't know how, or why...But Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric has been turned into this Kitten..."

She held up the Edward lion king style. It was a very epic kind of moment, with epic background music and sparkling lights and all that.

It was very quiet. Then everyone started laughing.

"Ha Ha good joke Riza..." Alphonse chuckled.

"Edward turning into a cat, who would ever buy that?" Roy laughed.

"Women are stupid..." Laughed random sexist in the background.

There was a gunshot as the random sexist fell over dead.

"Fine if you don't believe me, I'm going to make another phone call..."

She picked up the phone and dialed 1311 on the phone.

Three Seconds Later

"Greetings good people of Amestris..." Said a young barefoot man as he barged in without even a knock.

"Hello L." Said Riza. "You already read the case file, so tell them I'm right."

"There is a 99.99999999999999999999*gasp*999999999999999999999999% chance that Edward Elric is the kitten.

"See?" Riza said.

"No..." Roy the cynic said. "How do we know L's not some stupid detective."

"Show um L..." Riza ordered.

L stared at Roy intensely, suddenly Roy grew a mustache and his paper work exploded.

"Hm...I don't know..." Roy mused.

Then outside strawberry short cake began falling from the sky.

"Ok...Ok I believe..." Roy decided.

"So how do we turn him back?" Alphonse cried as he cuddled his brother closer.

"I dunno..." L sighed.

"But you know everything!" Riza cried in shock.

"There is a limit lady..." L said. "And I've wasted all my sugar power for today"

"Then go home..." Havoc frowned.

"Can I atleast get some tea?"

"Go home you mooch!"

L sighed and went outside.

**Outside.**

"OHHH! What a pretty kitty he'd be." Sebastian Gushed.

**Inside.**

"So what're we gonna do?" Riza asked.

"I KNOW!" Maes Hughes cried as he flew in through the window. "Even though he is a kitten now, he can still find love!" Maes Hughes picked Edward up and spun around the room. "Why my Daughter Elicia would just adore a kitten like this!"

Edward hissed.

"Fine Fine..." Hughes sighed as he handed Edward back to Alphonse.

"I WILL USE MY MUSCULAR ALCHEMY TO TURN HIM BACK!" Shouted Armstrong.

"Wait a second, I think Ed wants to talk..." Alphonse said as he put Edward up on Roy's desk.

Ed hicupped a little "Ahem" noise that made everyone Awww.

Ed then picked up a marker in his mouth and drew a picture of a butler.

He then drew a picture of the butler turning Edward into a cat.

He then drew a picture of everyone catching the butler and then the butler turning Edward back into himself.

"What a beautiful story..." Armstrong sniffed as he dried his eyes.

"Edward we don't need a picture book, we need a plan!" Mustang shouted.

"Why are you all acting stupid?" Riza shouted.

"Because the author likes unintelligence..." Alphonse replied.

"Of course..." Hawkeye sighed..

**ONE CONVENIENT TRANSITION LATER**

Edward had now gone through his plane well over three thousand two hundred ninety nine times.

"I get it!" Roy screamed at last.

"FINALLY!" Everyone screamed.

"We need to beware the weeping Angels!" *Dr. Who Reference XD*

Everyone groaned. Hawkeye had had enough, she picked up the phone and dialed 3995

"Hellooo!"

"Hello, this is Hawkeye..."

"Hawkeye who?"

Riza sighed. "It's Riza Hawkeye...you know from Fullmetal Alchemist."

"Ohhh! That Hawkeye, so what can I do for you?"

"This is Ms. Eliza right?"

"Yep..."

"Could you get the author to stop with the stupidity..."

"But the stupidity makes the story snoo!"

"I know, I know...but if they get any dumber..." Hawkeye looked around to make sure no one was eaves dropping. "They'll become...molemen."

There was a horrified gasp on the other end of the phone.

"Alright I'll tell her, don't worry we'll discontinue the stupidity..."

"Thank goodness..."

Ten minutes later Roy Mustang was finally acting smart again, and everyone was else was about the same...

"Alright, we need to find this mysterious butler who turns people into kittens. Where should we start..."

Edward pointed to a picture of a dark and scary alley where scary people lurked.

"I see..." Roy mused. "It'll be a dangerous mission, we may even run into Light Yagami."

A terror filled, and slightly disgusted look crossed everyones face.

"W-What about...you know...the other Edwar-"

"FURY!" Mustang shouted. "Don't you dare mention the...E word." Mustang choked as he tried to pronounce the awful vowel.

"Come one, there's no way the E word actually exists..." Alphonse chuckled nervously.

Roy Mustang gave him a dark look. "Lets hope so Alphonse...lets hope"

**THREE THOUSAND SECONDS LATER**

"Ok Edward, this is the alley, where's the kitty butler?" Mustang asked.

Edward meowed.

"I see..."

Edward hissed.

"What do you mean I can't understand you when your a cat?"

Edward shook his kitty head.

"This place is creepy!" Alphonse cried as he hugged Kitty Ed closer.

"Weren't you happily skipping through here yesterday..."

"BUT THAT WAS BEFORE IT WAS SCARY!"

Alphonse was so scared at this moment he hugged Ed so tightly the kitten was smothered and died.

"Great Alphonse look! You killed Edward!" Riza scolded.

"Oh darnit..." Alphonse said as he looked at Edward's kitty corpse.

"Are there any alchemists here besides me?" Roy asked.

"Oh I'm an Alchemist!" Said random idiot.

"Quick Random Idiot, bring Edward back to life!"

"Doh! Ok Mister Mustang!" Said Random Idiot.

Random Idiot drew a transmutation circle and brought Edward back to life...then he got eaten by the gate babies.

"We shall always remember your sacrifice," Roy called as he tipped his hat to the screaming idiot.

"Now then, as I was saying." Roy continued.

"Why hello there!" Said a butler who was passing by.

Edward immediately began hissing and trying to get at the scary Butler.

"Why hello there!" Roy said stupidly. (The author doesn't keep her promises it appears)

"Has anyone ever told you you'd look great as a cat?" The butler asked non suspiciously.

"Why no! Thank you!" Roy smiled. "But actually I'm more of a dog person..."

The butler'e eyes narrowed and his smile became forced..."Oh?"

"I LOVE DOGS!" Roy mustang shouted.

Everyone face palmed.

"DOGS EMBODY LOYALTY THEY FOLLOW THEIR MASTERS COMMAND ABOVE ALL ELSE, BE A JERK TO THEM AND THEY DON'T COMPLAIN AND THEY NEVER ONCE ASK FOR A PAY CHECK, TRUST ME THEY ARE THE GREAT SERVANTS OF MAN!"

The butler's eyes were glowing a dark red now, and he looked murderous...

"No...Cats are better...than stupid, dirty dogs...it's how it's always been...you idiot..." His voice was cracking and he sounded like he was about to start laughing crazilly.

"What was that?" Roy Mustang asked, he missed the comment because he was too busy invisioning dogs and female soldiers in tiny miniskirts.

"Oh yeah!" Roy exclaimed. "There's a scary Butler on the loose who's been turning people into cats. You wouldn't happen to have seen him, would you?"

"Uh...um..." The butler stuttered. "THAT'S HIM RIGHT THERE!" Everyone turned around and saw Watari walking by with a tray of sweets and a strange looking black kitty with big grey eyes, and messy ears..."

"GET HIM!" Roy screamed and all the soldiers charged across the street.

"Don't worry master L, you can still be a detective even though you're a cat..."

L gave Watari a look that said. "I understand you're trying to be positive Watari but there's no way anyone could do that."

"Of course you can L, look I'm reading your eye signals."

"Watari there's a ten percent chance you're about to be stormed by police officers."

"See look at that, you're talking without even talking..."

Then the two were mobbed.

**One episode of Pokemon later.**

"Well we arrested the butler and he will stand trial for all his actions." Roy smiled as he turned his back and didn't see L take out the two police officers with his kitty paws and then drive the van away.

"It's all thanks to you strange Butler with an obsession for Cats." Roy smiled.

"It's was my pleasure."

"HEY IDIOT!" The author shouted from across the street.

"OMG IT'S THE AUTHOR! BOW DOWN!" All the citizens of Amestris began bowing down.

"I BRING YOU A HOLY MESSAGE FROM THE LAND OF...uh..." The author looked up and saw an old spice billboard.

"FROM OLD SPICE LAND!"

"All hail!" The citizens shouted.

"Roy MUSTANG!"

"Why'd you say my name all weird?" Roy asked.

"I dunno...Now listen Roy!"

"Ok..."

"Look at that butler. Now back at me, now back at the butler, now back at me..."

"Ok..." Roy said as he followed the instructions.

"SADLY HE IS NOT ME!" The Author shouted. "BUT BECAUSE I WROTE HIM HE CAN ACT THE WAY I WANT HIM TO!"

"Look Down where are you?" The author shouted.

"I'm on a boat!" Roy answered.

"With the author that butler could act like. Now look at my hand, back at me, what am I holding!"

"It's pictures of Sebastian turning Edward into a cat!" Roy shouted.

"NOW THE PICTURES ARE DIAMONDS!" The author shouted as she started throwing diamonds at Roy.

"Do you understand Roy?" The author asked majestically.

"...no..." Roy answered.

The author face palmed. "Sebastian turned Ed into a cat you moron."

"OH NOW I GET IT! But what were the diamonds for?"

"I dunno...NOW BE GONE!" With that the author got on a horse and road off into the sunset.

(BTW if you have no Idea what just happened, go on youtube and search 'Old Spice Commercial')

"Ok! Mr. Butler it's over! We saw through your little scheme, and now it's time to face the music!" Roy shouted as Sebastian was handcuffed and held at gunpoint by Riza.

"Aww! And I would've gotten away with it to, if it weren't for you meddling soldiers, and your stupid cat too."

"Speaking of stupid cats where did brother go?" Alphonse asked.

**SOMEWHERE FAR FAR AWAY!**

"Look Lust...I found a kitten can I eat it?"

"No..."

"...Can I chew on it?"

"How bout no, you're supposed to be dieting remember?"

"Ok..."

"Hey let me see that!" Envy shouted as it? grabbed the cat.

"Aww...It's so cute! I'm going to name it Lobster!"

"Envy...it's a cat..." Lust said plainly.

"THE AUTHOR IS MESSING WITH MY HEAD OK!"

Envy took Ed/Lobster then set him down next to a saucer of milk that had just magically appeared.

"Go ahead and drink it Lobster."

If there was ever a time Edward had wanted to die.

"I SAID DRINK THE MILK!" Envy (who has anger issues) screamed as it picked Ed up and shook him.

"I HATE MY LIFE!" Edward screamed.

**BACK ABOVE GROUND!**

"I can't believe we lost Edward..." Riza moaned.

"I can't believe this story isn't even over yet." Roy yelled.

Suddenly Edward came flying through a window.

"AND STAY OUT YOU STUPID NON MILK DRINKING CAT!"

"BROTHER!" Alphonse screamed as he rushed over and smothered Edward again.

"ALPHONSE! STOP KILLING YOUR BROTHER!" Riza shouted as she smacked Al upside the head.

"Are there any more random idiots around?" Roy asked.

"..."

"How about Soldier who are good at dying?'

"Oh Oh Oh! Me!" Shouted a random soldier in the back.

"Good! Now bring Ed back to life."

**Ten minutes later.**

"Alright Mr. Sebastian, if you turn Edward back we'll let you go." Roy said.

"Ok..." Sebastian sighed. He picked up Edward. "Are you sure you want to turn back now? You really are a cute cat."

Edward chomped down on Sebastian's hand.

"AH! Bad Kitty!"

Edward responded by biting harder.

"Ok Ok I'll turn you back!"

There was a poof.

"Brother? Are you back Alphonse called.

"Chip Chip..."

Everyone stared at Edward.

"You turned him into a squirrel," Riza commented.

"I did? Whoops let me try that again."

"Poof"

"Moo"

"Wrong,"

"Poof,"

"Quack!"

"Wrong Again,"

"Poof"

"I'm a real boy!"

"Whoops let me fix that,"

"Poof'

"Believe it!"

"Poof"

"Say it out loud..."

Suddenly the sky turned black and everyone screamed.

"DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE I CREATED!" Sebastian wailed, he fell over and died from shock.

Because the fear of seeing Edward Cullen can do that to an immortal demon.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The other Edward stood in the middle of Amestris.

"I WILL CLAIM THIS WORLD IN THE NAME OF THE MOLEMEN!"

"Brother Noooooo!" Alphonse screamed.

The entire world caught on fire, and suddenly waffles began falling from the sky and crushing buildings. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Edward Cullen laughed maniacally.

**Somewhere very far away.**

Lucy slammed the door open, and barged into the secret snoo headquarters.

"Juli, your story went out of control, Edward just turned into...the...*gag* E WORD!"

Maddie gasped in horror! "Juli! Fix it."

"I can't I have writers block..." Juli said frustratingly.

"Great Juli!" Lucy said sarcastically. "So one of the greatest anime's of all time is going to turn into an awful vampire romance drama all because you wanted to know what would happen if Edward got turned into a kitten."

"And it's a crack fic none the less!" Maddie yelled. "A CRACK FIC JULI!"

"Hang Hang on Hang on let me think of something..." Juli banged her head and thought.

"ELY!" Juli yelled.

"YEEEEEEesss?" Eliza said as she slid out from behind a door. She was holding a plethora of kupkakes and a chainsaw.

"I'm not even gonna ask..." Lucy sighed.

"The FMA world is collapsing, do you know how to fix it?" Julianna said.

"Ah Ha Ha Ha! Of course I do!" Ely laughed.

"The solution needs to be rated PG13 and cannot contain any meat pies and or cakes with questionable properties..." Lucy said as she read off the official Snoo fanfiction writing policy.

Eliza was silent for a moment. "Ok NOW I know what to do..."

"No drugged daggers either..."

"Well fine just take all the fun out of it!"

"Guys! Edward's getting uglier!" Maddie said nervously as she pointed at the screen.

"Ely hurry!" Juli said, as she readied herself to type Eliza's magical solution.

"I GOT IT!" Ely exclaimed.

**Back in Amestris.**

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Screamed Roy Mustang.

"It's like 2012 with better actors and an even less believable story line!" Riza screamed.

Suddenly there was a blinding Light!

"GO AWAY LIGHT! THE LAST THING WE NEED IS TO BE BLIND TOO!"

"I'm so glad I'll never go Blind..." Roy smiled.

"I am god of the new world!" Light screamed. He was then vaporized by one of Edward Cullen's sparkles.

"Le Gasp! He's even more sparkly than I am!" Shouted Major Armstrong.

And then it happened, right when it seemed all hope was lost, the clouds parted and strange 80's music began to play.

"What is this?" Cried Edward Cullen. "No...No IT CAN'T BE!"

"Is it?" Alphonse asked.

"No it's impossible!" Mustang cried.

"It's a bird..."

"It's a plane..."

"It's...MICHAEL JACKSON!"

And it twas. Michael Jackson descended from the heavens.

"No! How can it be?" Edward Culled hissed.

"Let me tell you this Vamp...You're about to beat it!" Michael Jackson sang.

Suddenly the entire sky lit up with multi color spotlights, and a the sun turned into a disco ball.

Zombie people came out the ground and began dancing.

It was like the most epic Michael Jackson mix up in all of history.

"where is that music coming from?" Alphonse asked.

"The author only knows," Riza sighed as Michael Jackson and Edward Cullen began their duel.

**MEANWHILE ON PANDORA**

"Really Elizab, do you think Michael Jackson will be able to defeat E word and Juli's writers block?"

"I have complete faith!" Ely smirked.

"WRITERS BLOCK IS FADING!" Juli screamed as she began typing like a maniac.

"This is kind of frightening..." Lucy said.

"STOP BEING NORMAL!" Everyone yelled.

**ONE EPIC BATTLE LATER.**

Edward Cullen was finally about to be beaten,

"It's over, Michael Jackson did it."

Michael looked over at Edward Cullen..."Let me tell you this now Mr. Vamp...You may got sparkle...but your not BAD!"

"NO!" Edward screamed. "DANCE MOVES TOO INTENSE...BANTAR TOO EPIC!"

"And one more thing..." Michael sang in falseto. "U-G-L-Y You aint got no Alibi YOU UGLY EDWARD CULLEN! YOU UGLY!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" No Edward screamed as he exploded into a thousand little pieces.

"Great! They killed Brother again..." Alphonse said.

"No they didn't I'm right here..." Ed yawned as he walked over to Al.

"BROTHER YOUR ALIVE!" Al cried as he ran over and tackled Ed.

"Yes...Al...can't breathe...being smothered."

"Oh sorry..." Al said.

"How did you survive...?" Riza asked skeptically.

"TWAS BY THE POWER OF THE AUTHOR!" The Author shouted.

"LEAVE US ALONE!" Somebody shouted. There was suddenly a freak falling hippo that flattened the protestor.

"Well I guess everything turned out Ok..." Roy smiled. "Thanks to Michael Jackson..."

"IF YOU WANT TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF AND MAKE THE CHANGE!" Michael cried as he ascended into the heavens never to be seen again.

And the all lived happilly ever after.

**Epilogue:**

Edward Elric retired after the cat incident and decided he was going to move to Finland and live there, he has yet to retrieve Al's body or the philosophers stone.

Alphonse Elric: Opened up an animal shelter, it has become so un-popular that Alphonse is actually kidnapping cats to keep it open.

Roy Mustang: Went Blind...From staring at the disco ball sun

Riza Hawkeye: Became the first female Furher, her first official act in office was to make all male officers wear TINY MINISKIRTS

Major Armstrong: opened up a gym, it was even less popular than Alphonse's animal shelter.

Maes Hughes: Created a museum centered around his daughter. He's now a billionaire.

Sebastian: Was buried and given an honorable funeral, to his disappointment Ciel ordered him to come back to life...

L: Became the worlds first detective kitty

Watari: Opened up a theme park based on L the detective kitty, it made more profit than the Harry Potter theme park

Chrona: Was adopted by Envy, his name is now Parrot and he is still as scarred as ever.

Light Yagami: Was admitted to an asylum, he escaped and his whereabouts are unknown...

Edward Cullen: Never starred in another film after the Twilight saga ended. He is now a hobo

Envy: Came to terms with it's gender problems, nothing was ever discovered about the true gender.

Lust: Later had to have back surgery do to the wait of her heavy boobs

Gluttony: Ate the Harry Potter theme park,

The Old Spice guy: Went on to star in other great films that were remembered even after the earth melted do to global warming.

Lucy: Is still Normal

Maddie: Is trying to find a way to make marrying kitty L legal

Eliza: starred in a slasher film called "Kupkake"

Juli: Got writers block right before the story ended.

Michael Jackson: Went on to save the world from evil, one 80's song at a time.

THE END!


End file.
